Men’s self-care isn’t a sign of weakness. Let me tell you why I had to learn that the hard way.
There’s a particular kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.
I’ve been doing three jobs without fully admitting that to myself. The clinical work, sitting with men five days a week. Building this channel and the website behind it. And life, the ordinary kind, the kind that still needs you whether you’ve got anything left to give it or not.
Something always gives. When you’re running three things at once, something gives.
For a while, this channel was the thing quietly giving. Every time I sat down to plan a video instead of being properly present with whoever actually needed me that day, I felt it. So I stepped back. Not from the work. Just from this.
When I first started this channel, I did what you’re told to do. Post twice a week. Feed the algorithm. I followed that advice dutifully, like a good student, because that’s what you do when someone hands you a system and tells you this is how it’s done.
I understand the logic. But somewhere along the way, I noticed I was shaping what I said around what might perform, rather than what actually needed saying. That’s backwards. So this time, that’s gone. This isn’t about the algorithm anymore. It’s about the content. If only one man watches a video and it actually lands for him, the message has done its job.
So I took the break.
And underneath that break, if I’m honest, there was a fatigue I hadn’t fully named yet, even to myself.
Here’s the part I think a lot of us men do, and I did it too. I didn’t just feel tired. I carried guilt and shame about being tired. Some part of me called it failing. Called it giving up. You know what we men do to ourselves.
If I, someone who’s spent thirty years helping men work through exactly this kind of shame, can still turn around and do it to myself, then I’d bet at least a few of you reading this know precisely what I’m talking about. It’s the same voice I hear from the men who sit across from me every week. And there I was, aiming it at myself instead.
I talk to men about the need for self-care for a living. I’ve probably said the words “you need to look after yourself” a thousand times in a room. And somehow, I’d quietly stopped applying a single word of that to myself.
There’s a particular kind of humbling in recognising your own advice staring back at you, and realising you’re the one who actually needs to hear it.
So, a little reluctantly, I heeded it.
The break wasn’t optional in the end. It was imperative to my own self-care. And in that recharge, something new was born.
Spirit Warrior.
Going forward, this channel is built around all four aspects of our psyche ~ the Physical, the Mental, the Emotional, and the Spiritual. We men are generally great at the first two. We can push the body. We can think our way through almost anything. Where we consistently fall short is learning to actually process, and be present to, our emotional and spiritual sides.
And it’s within that spiritual side, that’s where the Essence of our Spirit Warrior actually lives.
If any of this sounds like you ~ the tiredness you don’t talk about, the story that says you have to keep going no matter what it’s costing you ~ there’s a place to start.
The Head & Heart Guide is free, and it’s waiting for you.
Be Gentle.
~ Mark